Romance

I have always felt that Valentine's Day fits under the umbrella of organized crime. Call me cynical or bitter if you like. But this is a holiday the way chess is a sport. For decades now, the retail industry has managed to sell the compliant American public on this consumer-driven notion of a day to celebrate romance. I have to wonder how many people had to forget about anniversaries in order to reserve this day on our calendar. To me, V-day is the ultimate symbol of a culture driven by consumerism.

Valentine's Day is very clearly the brain child of a co-dependent woman, who has a need to be needed and adored. She was probably the kind of woman that told her lover what to say and how to say it. Eventually she stumbled on this idea of a day where men everywhere must swoon over the woman in their life. As a teenager I understood that both parties shared in the responsibility of presents, cards and sweet nothings. As a grown man, I have found the responsibility of Valentine's day rests squarely on the man's shoulders. Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, stuffed teddy bears, nice dinner, maybe a romantic film, sitting by the fire, whatever your pleasure. Responsibility of women? Show up and look good. Anything beyond that is just gravy.

I have participated in this nominal holiday for years and years... each time roling my eyes, sighing heavily, and thinking to myself, if I was a good husband shouldn't this day be discarded. Is this a day that invites men to be insensitive, emotionally distant, self-centered for every other day of the year? Or is this a day that suggests nothing men do will ever be good enough so step it up just this once? I don't really know... But this year V-day was brilliant.

Enough of the presents and protocol of your average V-day... it's all overplayed, nothing is original. I have a theory about the early part of romantic relationships that applies especially to first dates. (If you are a woman, I saw you just roll your eyes.) So, I am going to try and dispel a couple of myths here.

We have been programmed to think that the best first date is to figure out what she would like and then plan accordingly. Take her to a cheesy movie, a play, a musical, a romantic restuarant, ice skating, or whatever feminine activity you feel gets you brownie points. That is what we all think we are supposed to do, because it's thoughtful and shows you care... the truth is, at that point, all your thoughtfulness is aimed at looking good and leading her to believe you are sensitive and sweet to degrees which you are not...

This is why I firmly believe that a guy shouls take his date wherever he wants to go. If you go where you want to go, like a sports bar, a baseball game, the bowling ally, an action movie you have, in fact, been very thoughtful of this woman. First off, you have allowed her to see the real you up front so she knows what she is getting into. Second, you have put yourself in a position where you are comfortable and able to be yourself, rather than feeling out of place at some up scale, overpriced restuarant and a ballet that that leaves you wondering how any man can parade himself and an unsightly bulge out in front of people that way. You let her get to know the real you, see, and if it doeesn't go well, at least you are doing something you enjoy. It's what we call a win-win.

I say all that to say this: I tried Valentine's Day with a fresh approach this year. Rather than pretending to be more romantic than I am, I applied my first date thinking. As a result, I had Valentine's Day planned in early December because I found something that I was interested in that long ago.

If you haven't heard Shane and Shane play live and lead worship you haven't lived. If you hear Erwin McManus, a renowned author and communicator, and aren't stirred by his insight then you don't have a pulse. Turns out, they were doing a weekend event together in Asheville, NC. Betsy likes Shane and Shane and she has never heard McManus. But I am a huge fan of both. So, like any thoughtful, romantic, loving husband would do, I paid for us to go where I wanted to go as a present for her.

In hindsight, it was a little like buying her a plasma tv for Christmas, or tickets to a Counting Crows concert. Still, Erwin and Kim McManus were full of wisdom for marriages. I am now convinced that Shane and Shane will leading worship in heaven. And the surprise of the weekend was BJ Harris, a phenomal illusionist from Franklin, TN. I knew I'd enjoy the time away and I hoped she would too. I wish I could say that I searched for the perfect thing for Betsy until I found something that only I would know that she loved. But, that would be a lie.

You don't have to like or agree with my thinking, but when I do what I think she wants, it is a total hail mary and I usually guess wrong. On the other hand, I am absolutely certain of what I like. I have a friend who I used to tell 95% of the time I go with my gut, and the other 5% percent of the time I should have.

I just looked at the Braves schedule. Opening day falls on Betsy's birthday, in Philadelphia. My gut says a trip to the northeast would be a perfect birthday celebration for a woman 8 and half months pregnant.