Footlong

I don't know if everybody else has recognized this too, but the price of fast food has soared through the roof... in fact, while the entire country was preoccupied a few months ago bemoaning the high cost of gas, grocery chains have been conducting a clandestine sort of operation, hiking the price of things like cheese, cereal and soda through the proverbial roof. As a coca-cola addict this has become problematic for me because a 2-liter bottle is costing around $1.79 now... Cinnamon Toast Crunch (I have the three kids of course) was $5.50 a box last week. 

This has mostly happened under the radar because of the divergence created by big oil, who incidentally, is also to blame if you were to ask retail execs because of their soaring cost to deliver goods. But while gas prices have leveled off food is climbing higher still... Pause for moment...

... see just now, a 1 pound box of angel hair pasta just went $1.29... and that is the Publix brand, which a couple months ago was 89 cents. The point is, what gas was doing so arrogantly and blatantly, food is doing more strategically and covertly... and when you isolate a small item like pasta, it seems inexpensive at this price. Multiply each item in the cart of a family of five by 30-40 percent, however, and... well... you do the math.

That's why when you read the subject line of this post you can't help but think of Subway's famous $5 footlong subs. Truth be told, that isn't what this post is supposed to be about, it's just that when I read the heading, I too thought of Subway and the image of Jared's little squirrely face. I have to be honest here... I am a Publix guy and a Baldino's guy when it comes to subs... but Subway has weaseled their way back into my life on the strength of an adequate sandwich with a stellar price. The bread may be hit or miss, the amount of meat varies with location and sandwich artist, but that $5 price tag remains fixed, not to mention even with all that mayonnaise it is still better for you than french fries with chicken tenders or a cheeseburger, which are costing in the real world today what it used to cost inside an amusement park or stadium. 

So, now that I have given Subway an unintended plug, I will move on to the real namesake of the post. You can't trust 3-and-a-half-year-old twins to be effective and efficient at wiping after a number two. I know this from experience, so if part of you is questioning just wipe that quizzical expression off your face and just let this be a given. As a result, it isn't uncommon to have your life interrupted periodically as a parent by the faint screams from down the hall... "mommy, I go poopy". 

Hearing that very declaration on Saturday morning evoked no laughter or even smiles from Betsy and I... Josiah had done his part, and he did it in the right place so mommy got up to do her part. Me? I went about my business as dads tend to do. Nothing new under the sun, this is a scene that has played out a million times, and there was no reason I should give this situation a second thought. But then... something unpredictable... something new... something unforeseen and... well, I don't know how to describe it...

"Hey honey", came the call, not from Josiah, but rather the sweet, soft voice of my beloved bride. "You have to come check this out..." Simultaneously, my head tilted, eyebrows (or what's left of them if you know me) furrowed and uncertainty seized me... the conclusion of her invitation I think was intended to provide the impetus to make my way to bathroom... "It's like a footlong in here." She wasn't talking about the famous $5 kind.

"Nah, I'm good." I said it with the meaning of a statement but with the inflection of a question. 

"Seriously," she yelled, "you gotta see this thing."

Life is too funny to take too seriously. Marriage is a serious thing and I know we put a lot of stock in romance, love, honesty, quality time and sharing feelings... but show me a good marriage and I will show you people who laugh together. If you are married, you know what i am talking about, and if you're not, know this: while that other stuff is important, being married and having a family is less about gazing into each other's eyes and buying nice gifts and eating at nice restaurants... and it's more about the high cost of gas, food and... 

well...

footlongs.

I tell you, I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.