Governor

I don't play a lot of golf because it's expensive and time consuming, but if I had lots of money and time I would probably spend both on golf. Having typed those word, it occurs to me that this is why God didn't make me independently wealthy. There are two things that drive me crazy on the rare occasions when I do golf though. In no particular order, they are: 1) I am terrible, and 2) The golf carts are too slow.

It takes around 27 hours to complete 1 round of golf in my experience. I know my experience is slightly skewed by the 20-plus hours of hacking at tall weeds, briar bushes, misplaced overgrowth that my ball so often finds via the natural slice, but still... golfing makes for a long outing. As bad as I am on hole 1-12, those final six holes or so always bring out the worst in me. I stop taking practice swings, I get cranky, sometimes hungry, and I totally lose focus. I think if the golf carts didn't have the governor on them, that device that restricts the speed to that of a three legged dog, the reduction in travel time would probably facilitate a dramatic improvement in my game. 

I played basketball for many years, a game in which speed and quickness are huge assets. Golf? Not so much. It's hard for me to stay on the course that long. Not physically, but I start to do other things while I'm out there... just in my head. 

Golf requires great patience... it also requires great focus and concentration. I sort of perpetually run on short supply of both. Sometimes, I think my family feels like a golf course that I am playing. They are right there, they are beautiful and i am so excited to be there with them when I arrive, but then after a couple of hours I start to check out. I don't mean to and I don't really want to... it just happens, and I don't make the intentional, conscious choice to remain fully present.

I wonder if maybe the governor is there for more... maybe it has a bigger purpose than to spoil the fun of the golf cart. I wonder if the governor is there symbolically, as a subtle reminder as you move from stroke to stroke, one side of of the fairway to the other, to relax, take it easy, slow down, and stay in the moment... stay focused.

My tendency is to come home and greet my wife, greet each child, give them a few minutes of my undivided attention and once any of them move on to something else for just an instant, then my attention is divided going forward. I am excited to be there, I enjoy the hugs, the brief wrestling (with my sons, not my wife), a puzzle or playing catch... but once that initial "fun" wears off, then I just want the golf cart to go faster so I can move on to the next thing. 

There are all these things going on and all these people to interact with. There are all these responsibilities, tasks and things clamoring for my attention... or maybe just distracting me from where my attention should be focused. The first Christmas was the birth of something new... Immanuel... God with us. From what I can tell, there are a few things demanding a bit of attention from this God character, so the fact that he entered into humanity and became present with us is quite impressive. The fact that get to experience him and interact with him, the reality that I have his attention and that he would be dialed into me, my heart and my situations... well, I am just guessing he has the mental fortitude to be a pretty good golfer. 

Before you think you can explain this away with the whole omnipresence thing, I would just say this... my struggle isn't to be present at everything or with everyone... it's that I can't seem to manage being present to any one thing. Even right now, I want to go home and be with my family... the challenge I face in a couple of hours is that when i am with them will I remain there. 

If it wasn't for the Spirit of God, the governor in the golf cart of life, I would just zip through from thing to the next all the while never fully enjoying the now. I have recently been meditating on the intent God had for man to reflect him to creation. The incarnation of Jesus, the original reason for Christmas, celebrates this reality that God entered into the moment with us. Through Jesus he manifested his presence on earth. Through his ascension and subsequent sending of the Spirit, he offers himself to be in the moment with me. 

Immanuel...

God with us...

 

Maybe tonight, and through a continual, concentrated effort I might somehow have the grace to just be "dad with us" to my kids and "husband with me" to my wife. Then again, if I can't pull that off, at least I have that built in governor... I guess I'll be forced to slow down at some point.