Romance

I have always felt that Valentine's Day fits under the umbrella of organized crime. Call me cynical or bitter if you like. But this is a holiday the way chess is a sport. For decades now, the retail industry has managed to sell the compliant American public on this consumer-driven notion of a day to celebrate romance. I have to wonder how many people had to forget about anniversaries in order to reserve this day on our calendar. To me, V-day is the ultimate symbol of a culture driven by consumerism.

Valentine's Day is very clearly the brain child of a co-dependent woman, who has a need to be needed and adored. She was probably the kind of woman that told her lover what to say and how to say it. Eventually she stumbled on this idea of a day where men everywhere must swoon over the woman in their life. As a teenager I understood that both parties shared in the responsibility of presents, cards and sweet nothings. As a grown man, I have found the responsibility of Valentine's day rests squarely on the man's shoulders. Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, stuffed teddy bears, nice dinner, maybe a romantic film, sitting by the fire, whatever your pleasure. Responsibility of women? Show up and look good. Anything beyond that is just gravy.

I have participated in this nominal holiday for years and years... each time roling my eyes, sighing heavily, and thinking to myself, if I was a good husband shouldn't this day be discarded. Is this a day that invites men to be insensitive, emotionally distant, self-centered for every other day of the year? Or is this a day that suggests nothing men do will ever be good enough so step it up just this once? I don't really know... But this year V-day was brilliant.

Enough of the presents and protocol of your average V-day... it's all overplayed, nothing is original. I have a theory about the early part of romantic relationships that applies especially to first dates. (If you are a woman, I saw you just roll your eyes.) So, I am going to try and dispel a couple of myths here.

We have been programmed to think that the best first date is to figure out what she would like and then plan accordingly. Take her to a cheesy movie, a play, a musical, a romantic restuarant, ice skating, or whatever feminine activity you feel gets you brownie points. That is what we all think we are supposed to do, because it's thoughtful and shows you care... the truth is, at that point, all your thoughtfulness is aimed at looking good and leading her to believe you are sensitive and sweet to degrees which you are not...

This is why I firmly believe that a guy shouls take his date wherever he wants to go. If you go where you want to go, like a sports bar, a baseball game, the bowling ally, an action movie you have, in fact, been very thoughtful of this woman. First off, you have allowed her to see the real you up front so she knows what she is getting into. Second, you have put yourself in a position where you are comfortable and able to be yourself, rather than feeling out of place at some up scale, overpriced restuarant and a ballet that that leaves you wondering how any man can parade himself and an unsightly bulge out in front of people that way. You let her get to know the real you, see, and if it doeesn't go well, at least you are doing something you enjoy. It's what we call a win-win.

I say all that to say this: I tried Valentine's Day with a fresh approach this year. Rather than pretending to be more romantic than I am, I applied my first date thinking. As a result, I had Valentine's Day planned in early December because I found something that I was interested in that long ago.

If you haven't heard Shane and Shane play live and lead worship you haven't lived. If you hear Erwin McManus, a renowned author and communicator, and aren't stirred by his insight then you don't have a pulse. Turns out, they were doing a weekend event together in Asheville, NC. Betsy likes Shane and Shane and she has never heard McManus. But I am a huge fan of both. So, like any thoughtful, romantic, loving husband would do, I paid for us to go where I wanted to go as a present for her.

In hindsight, it was a little like buying her a plasma tv for Christmas, or tickets to a Counting Crows concert. Still, Erwin and Kim McManus were full of wisdom for marriages. I am now convinced that Shane and Shane will leading worship in heaven. And the surprise of the weekend was BJ Harris, a phenomal illusionist from Franklin, TN. I knew I'd enjoy the time away and I hoped she would too. I wish I could say that I searched for the perfect thing for Betsy until I found something that only I would know that she loved. But, that would be a lie.

You don't have to like or agree with my thinking, but when I do what I think she wants, it is a total hail mary and I usually guess wrong. On the other hand, I am absolutely certain of what I like. I have a friend who I used to tell 95% of the time I go with my gut, and the other 5% percent of the time I should have.

I just looked at the Braves schedule. Opening day falls on Betsy's birthday, in Philadelphia. My gut says a trip to the northeast would be a perfect birthday celebration for a woman 8 and half months pregnant.

Seasons

Trying to predict the weather in Atlanta can be a lot like predicting the mood of a pregnant woman. If you have ever lived or spent time in Atlanta and with a pregnant woman, then you fully understand the correlation. I spent two afternoons at the park over the weekend, both with a pregnant woman by the way, and the conditions outside were a lot like I hear it is all the time in both San Diego and Heaven. Our three kids couldn't have been more excited to get out of the house and run wild for a few hours unless they were parents of kids their age. It was a welcome change in the winter climate.  

But it came out of nowhere. Washing cars, playgrounds, picnic lunch, jogging, remote control airplanes, throwing footballs and frisbees... ahhh, January in Georgia.  Sunny, 60 degrees plus, slight breeze, on both Friday and Saturday. That weather has continued through the beginning of the week and will bring the vacation to us for a short while. I couldn't possibly complain about such beauty around me, the kind that warms both the body and the soul. Family taking time to be a family. Life is good and I am thrilled to be right where I am... Today.  

Wednesday and Thursday I was tempted to blow the budget on long johns, heated pants, a hot tub, and converting the living room to a fire pit. And that was only when my search for work in sunny South Dakota just for the warmer climate change ended with the discouraging news that our economy is apparently in a recession and jobs are hard to come by. It was cloudy, with biting wind, and antagonistically cold. I could have sworn that unless you live in Helsinki you couldn't possibly know how bad we had it here. Kids are locked up inside, watching the same three movies repeatedly, never agreeing on which one to watch at a given moment, taking out toys that they have no interest in playing with, every piece of furniture is a trampoline, and seeming a lot like harnessing the energy of an atom. There is nothing worse than young boys, confined, contained for extended periods of time. Family taking time to get on each other's nerves. Life is a massive migraine, and I'd rather be on fire... A couple of days ago.

And that is the way it goes. One day, the sky is falling. The next day, it is well with my soul. The weather in Atlanta last week, upon reflection, strikes me as symbolic of our perspective, usually dictated by emotions. We allow our circumstances to influence our mood, perspective and attitude. The way we treat people is determined largely, not by our character or a deep respect for our neighbor, but rather, by how we feel at a given moment. I think of the economy right now, and how many people are facing foreclosure, suffering through unemployment, rethinking choices, fighting hopelessness. 

That might be you. I know it has been me. It dawns on me though that the impermanence of seasons may be an intentional message from the one who created and sustains it all. Maybe He wanted us to have a physical reminder that "this too shall pass", that better days are coming. Maybe God wants us to know that though it feels like 27 degrees in our soul, there will come a day when it is sunny and 60. Maybe when it feels like winter, we are supposed to know that spring and summer are on the way, that winter doesn't stay all year this side of Narnia. 

There is something about the energy and warmth that the sun gives that helps us understand why the Apostle John chose Light as the grand metaphor for Jesus arriving on the scene. Though darkness may permeate your life and your world, though it may be cold and chaotic everywhere you look, Light can and will burst forth if you allow it to in the person of Jesus. According to scriptures, which I have come to trust, this is not a possibility but a certainty. 

Think of it this way: Spring IS coming. We don't wonder about it, we just wait for it, anticipate it, expect it and then welcome it with joy. But knowing that spring is coming, rather than just wondering if it is coming is quite a different thing. When we wonder if spring is coming, each day it does not arrive is a day of disappointment. Each day of winter frustrates, irritates and perpetuates a growing inclination toward despair. Rather than allowing dark days to form appreciation and gratitude within us for the days of summer, we give gloom the power to shape us, and embrace the cynical struggle to ever enjoy the sun, fearful of the day winter will return. 

 

When we know a better day to be in our future, we view the current day through a brighter lens. We don't just throw away the sunglasses because it's rainy and cold. We put them in the console or somewhere accessible, fully aware that the day will yet be upon us when the sun will emerge, brighten everything around us and remind us that the world is beautiful, that God is good, and that every day is a gift. 

I wonder what it would be like to view the world through that lens all the time. Rain or snow, cold or warm, clouds or sunshine... what if my perspective was always formed by the reality of the Son waiting to burst forth in all His glory. What if I looked for the Son in everything and in everyone. What if I lived without confusion, but simply knowing with absolute certainty that He is going to break forth, radiant, beautiful, full of life, energy and warmth. What if I knew that I could bring that into your situation, to anyone's situation. 

What if guys like me viewed pregnant mood swings through the lens of a baby to come. Would I be infinitely more patient, sensitive, excited and expectant about all that waits around the bend? What if we all began to see the world through the lens of what the bible calls this idea of New Creation... the lens of all-this-is-just-for-now... the lens of each day is a gift.

The forecast is calling for rain later this week, and we will be dipping back down into the 30's. I suspect that on one of those days I will start the rant of "I hate winter" that I tend toward. I am hoping that I will be reminded of this last week though. I saw temperatures climb almost 50 degrees in two days. I also went from being a single bachelor with no direction to married with three kids and no direction in 15 months. Direction came since then, though, and child number 4 is soon to come as well. 

New creation is happening every way you could imagine and in many ways that you can't. New creation is everywhere, all the time. The only question is are you expecting it, looking for it, participating in it? We have been invited into that way of living, that way of seeing the world. That is our alternative to cold, dark, frustrated and sad. I dare you to adopt this way of seeing thing. I dare you to live knowing that spring and summer are coming. I dare you to live certain that old things will pass away and new things are coming... in your life and the lives of those around you. I dare you to see passed the rain, through the cold and see if you can't find Light emerging. And I recommend you keep the sunglasses close by. 

Lessons

I know we all have our points of insecurities. We generally view that as a negative thing but I am of the mind that some level of insecurity or self-doubt is healthy for the human soul because it prevents us from getting to comfortable and produces some level of humility. While I am a pretty confident and secure individual, there are some things that prey on insecurity. I am beginning to find out what some of those things are these days. 

My friend preached a sermon at his church recently and he historically does a good job. He is a gifted communicator, dynamic, engaging and personable and he has been preaching and teaching in churches for a decade or so now. I was stunned when my friend told me about someone who approached him after the service was over and said that they had a word from the Lord for him that might make him defensive. That individual proceeded to, in a moment and in the name of Jesus, rebuke the preacher for his message. I won't go in to details. Rather, it has inspired me to reflect on the two greatest truths I have learned in this, my first year of vocational ministry.

Over the last few weeks I have become increasingly aware of my own limitations. I know now, more than I ever have, that I am ill-equipped to be a youth pastor. The more I study and prepare and read and teach and interact and counsel and pray and meet, the more I am certain that I am not suited for this job at all. The other side of this is that nobody else is either. But on this point, a few scriptures have informed my sense of insecurity. 

2 Timothy 2:15 says "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth." 

Isaiah 66:2 says "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word."

1 Timothy 4:16 says "Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers."

These are just a couple of verses that shed light on the enormity of the responsibility that preachers and teachers bear before the Lord. Though I have been a pastor's kid since I was 4, and though I went to a bible school, indeed, though I know the Word, I must admit that there is a great chance that I have mishandled the word at some point. What's worse is that I am reasonably certain that I will again. At the end of the day, there is just so much that I don't know. 

I was arrogant enough a year ago, even two years ago, to think that I was qualified to be a pastor. Now? Not so much. My former pastor used to talk about the responsibility of a pastor to give an account for the spiritual condition of those under his leadership... I am beginning to get some idea of what he was talking about. 

I am restless much of the time these days, overwhelmed by all that I have to learn, and frustrated with the reality that there is no way to learn it quickly. I am staring down the barrel of a 50 year journey, at the end of which, if I have done my best, I will still fall short of these job requirements. When you frame it this way, it is not surprising that I am becoming wildly insecure in my own ability.

There is no question, I am utterly unqualified to be a pastor of real life, actual people. But something in me suggests that it's what I was made to be. I don't know if all pastor's step back at some point and think "how on earth did I get this job?", but it is a question that resides on the tip of my tongue at almost any moment. My friend's discouraging encounter left me wondering how I might respond in such a situation... after quite a lot of time thinking on it, I still have no clue. I struggled just to get past the notion that someone might actually approach me that way immediately following a message. 

It evoked this profound anxiety in my soul rooted in a very real concern that I may be found out. I mean, what if I get up one too many times to speak, to teach other people the truth of God's word, and some error in my communication shines a bright light that illuminates the billboard above my head that declares me to be a total fraud.

But the Spirit of God comes in, and whispers words of assurance, affirmation and comfort. And through the Spirit I have learned this: It's okay to be frantically insecure in my capacity so long as I am firmly secure in my calling. I tell you, dependency on God feeds on the trough of self doubt.

My friend's painful experience of someone speaking a harsh word in the name of Jesus, reawakened me to the nakedness of doing something you love. It's safe to do something you aren't totally passionate about. It's safe to stay in a relationship with someone you aren't completely in love with. It's safe to never pursue your dreams. What's scary is when you pursue that career you dream about, or when you express your feelings for the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. And people in ministry? Well, they are mostly in it because they love it. 

There were times I wished I would get fired from my old job. Now, if I lost my job, my heart would break. I think something in my friend broke the other day. He loves people... not the way we mean when just say we love people. He actually does... I know this because he is extraordinarily generous, caring, respectful, honoring and affirming... and he is that way with everybody, not just the ones that are easy to love. See, anytime you preach, you expose yourself in some personal way. My friend prepared for hours, prayed diligently, spoke on a subject that he is passionate about, and shared a few personal stories to illustrate what God put on his heart. He poured his heart and soul into the sermon. His message was a gift from God, through my friend, to the people in the congregation. And while it wasn't his gift, he was the messenger, and somebody essentially threw it back at him and said it was no good.

It wasn't just simple rejection that hurt. I think it hurt him because he gave himself fully to something he loves and then experienced the rejection. He has been a pastor for much longer than me and he loves it the way I do. He loves it, he has worked hard at it, and truthfully, he does it with excellence. Sometimes, that's just not enough for people.

But the other thing I have learned throughout this year, and I have been reminded of it in recent days, that allowing yourself to love anything is always a risk. And sometimes the things worth dreaming about require greater sacrifice, not greater success. To deeply love anything is to leave yourself naked while in plain view of everyone... and you always get burned at some point. In fact, to passionately pursue anything is all but a guarantee of pain. This wasn't my friend's first blow, nor will it be his last. I know that because he bears many scars already, but he keeps going to work, keeps loving the church, keeps loving people. You do that very long and more hits will come. 

There is a verse in Psalms, I think, that says "let him not boast who puts his armor on like him who takes it off." It has been not quite one year for me in vocational ministry, and I feel like I am just getting my armor on. I know enough now to know I need every bit of it, and I love it enough to hope it stays on long enough to take a beating.